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The TOP 15 REAL FACTS about ME!

1) Derek Herauf is not so sexy it hurts. He just hurts.
2.) The Buddha once bet Derek Herauf that he could not jump out of his palm. Derek Herauf responded with a flying knee strike to Buddha's face. Derek Herauf is no mere Monkey.
3). Despite being a Communist, Derek Herauf doesn’t share. Ever.
4). When a fakir plays the flute, a cobra comes out of a basket. When Derek Herauf plays the flute, COBRA Commander comes out of a basket.
5). Derek Herauf does not have a heart of gold; it is merely gold-plated. The rest is a cupronickel alloy.
6). It is unknown if Derek Herauf can explode bars, as he is strict teetotaler.
7). Professor X once read Derek Herauf’s mind, which is the reason he is now in a wheelchair.
8). When Derek Herauf told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back. (No seriously, where is that thing? I can't figure out the new version of Word…)
9). It is pitch black. A grue is likely to be eaten by Derek Herauf.
10). Derek Herauf is actually a Miniature Giant Space Hamster in human form.
11). Derek Herauf is one half German, one half Norwegian, and one half Chaos Space Marine.
12). You see Derek Herauf coming, you better step aside. A lot of men didn’t. A lot of men died.
13). In Exodus, Derek Herauf was replaced as Angel of Death for a brief time as God only wanted the firstborn taken. Derek Herauf would have taken all the born, even the unborn.
14). Derek Herauf likes taking pictures of his meals, arranging the food to make a face. Don’t ask why.
15). Derek Herauf is a gorgeous collision of Texas eclectic and the wickedly stylish.

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